I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
