just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
