we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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