Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
