i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You pole danced in your parka.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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