Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
