Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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