It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize