dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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