u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
