he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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