So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
