I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
