Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
