Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
