sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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