this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
