i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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