Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
