I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how do flat chested girls get laid?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
