I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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