So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
