Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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