I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
