dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
