my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
