you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
