mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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