he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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