She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
