i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
