This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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