So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
