those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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