I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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