i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
