I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
