found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
