Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
