11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
