my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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