Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
