How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
