Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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