why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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