It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I didn't notice because vodka
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
