Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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