btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
