I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
