I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
