You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
