I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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