And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
