I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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