I'm gonna have a badass scar
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
