Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
