Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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