So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
