She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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