The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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