Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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