My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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