The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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