my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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