Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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