Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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