i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
