Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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