dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
