ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
