I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
