why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
only if we run a train.
done.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
