If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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