its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
